Okay, the title of this movie would certainly make our Blue Diamond Society brothers very happy but this movie is not about ‘back door’ karyakarams. Sorry, if that sounded offensive. With due respect to all GLBT Nepali folks…. But this movie is probably the greatest Hindi movie of all time. Really? Well, I wasn’t born when that movie ‘House No.44’ was released so I have to pick this one for my Top 10 list. Well Rang De Basanti was bombastic but I guess, nobody wants to kill any politicians these days. Well, it must be better to burn tyres and destroy public property and stuff like that. Yes, always kill the small folks and let the big folks get fatter and fatter (well, there is them gastric surgery or something nowadays!)

Chak De is as good as any of them Hollywood sportie movies! Okay, I am in Amrika and I do understand Amriki football but I bet my two cents, most of my frenz back home have no clue when they watch them Angrezi sport movies. It’s not like soccer where 22 horny men chase after a single ball. Yes, they do that for 90 minutes and then Beckham bends it and it’s all over. I love soccer but after all these years, I would want to watch a sport where even the last few seconds can turn the game upside down. Let’s get back to the movie. Well, if you are one of them folks, hating them spoilers then stop reading!

Chak De! (nepali translation would be ‘give me arse!’) is about this Muslim guy. Yes, in a Bollywood movie, it’s always a ‘Khan’ guy who is dah traitor! No, it can’t be Subramaniam or Ghokley…it’s always some Muslim guy (or his dada, mama, chacha!) who forgot to board the train to Pakistan during them Partition days. Just because this Muslim guy failed to score a goal, he becomes Enemy No.1 . Well, nobody is trying to cut his stuff and Fed-Ex him to Paki-land but you get the story…right!

Seven years later, he returns (maybe from the jungle!). Okay, he can’t return from a jungle because he is a Muslim. And Muscle-maans don’t fast under a tree and wear a thong, smoke ganja and try to impress the ladies by trying to pull a brick with ‘that’ thing! Okay, Mr. Khan returns to coach the Indian Naari Hockey team. Why? Because he loves them ladies ! No, he really wants to get some of his glory back! He wants to prove that after seven years of eating paani-puri and watching Sholay for 2,000+ straight days… he still can’t get that ‘Hockey’ fever out of his head. Thank God, he didn’t get TB or something!

Like most of us , Nepali Lads… I do love them Desi babes but don’t like them Dhotis! Hope the Madeshi Tigers are not offended. I was born in Madesh and that makes me a Madeshi too. Okay, I maybe a Pahadi but Madeshland is my homeland as much as that guy in NYC, dreaming of a separate Madeshland! No, never… give me death but don’t do a ‘Pakistan’

Anyways, Khan doesn’t give a rat’s arse about where these girls are from. That’s right. We should all learn a thing or two from this. Yes, you may be from Janakpur or Lalitpur but we are all Nepalese. And our Irish (green!) passport makes them immigration officials around the world worried as hell as if either we are carrying drugs or we are going to run for the nearest exit and spend the rest of our lives, cutting onions or paving the streets! No, work is work. I have as much respect for a butcher (kasai! And not to forget his beautiful wife!) as I have for a surgeon. They both do the same stuff. If a butcher went to a medical school…. He or she would make a perfect surgeon. Ahhh! Your tumor is in you arse. Just cut that few inches and stitch it up!

Yes, yes…India is a big bully but when that Indian Flag is flying high, them dhotis get all wet (I meant the ‘eyes’) but when we see our Nepali flag... it makes us all go crazy, drink and try to beat each other up. Yes, Sherpas from the hills don't like Sherpas from another hill. Chettri don't like Brahmin. Newars don't like anybody else. And what about me. I don't know and I don't care. As long as you don't bite me, do your own thing and @#$! off! What the hell? Who the hell are we? We just don’t give a @#$!, do we?

Okay, the movie ends with the Indian Naari team winning the World Cup or something. Good for them. And hope someday, our Nepali Naari team will win something and make us all proud or will we just drink and end up bashing each other with koorchi, danda and what not! After all we have seen what Nepalese men can do… (like me… nothing!)

BTW, I am packing my guntha and heading back to Nepal. Yes, I wanna be a Hockey Coach. Okay, ladies…. Let’s go for a jog or something!

And who says ’17 year olds are babies…not me!’ I wish I was 17 again… when I was 17, all the gals… wearing burkhas…. And me trying to give them Durkhas while trying to fight of their brothers mukkhas!

Link of the day: Maichyang’s love with life!

Can we please have them election and get done with it? Our netas are good at bending ... yet not like Beckham! Before it was our Girija (native american translation would be 'let him fall!') Babu and now it's our Uncle Prachandu (native american translation would be 'I got Rolex...what about u?').

KTM is good-damn-expensive. A saathi went back to KTM for 'tourist' vacation and came back with 7 grand debt... thanks to VISA! What the hell did you do with 7 grand in two month? Khaana-Pinaa and Naach-Gaana! Damn... it's better to live in NYC and eat $4 ko Halal lunch than go to Thamel or Rox or wherever.

But where will u have the most fun? Of course... KTM, where even the stray dogs and the street children will recognize you coz... your dollar smells funny! With due respect to our street kids and street dogs but maybe when one goes back to Nepal, do a Gandhi-style fashion turn-around which will really save lotsa dough. People will think you are crazy, wearing that daruwa-sulwal or may get stoned to death by them YCL Talibans , who may think you are one of them Royalists!

So, the King is leaving....errr. no! So who gets the job to turn off the lights @ the Royal Palace. Maybe, Prachandu Uncle will be President and get to do a Hugo-Chavez like Karyakaram from the Red (new name!) Palace. The only thing we have got ... them Palaces...so we will nationalize them and maybe turn it into a DisneyLand or something. Hope 100 million middle-class Indian tourists will visit them Palaces and get to be a Royalty for a day! That will come with free khaana, Pinnaa and Casino may jaa kar khelna!

So what's next? The Democratic or the Red Republic of Nepal will probably qualify for the next World Cup because unlike our previous national team, them YCL blokes will play like Ronaldo because of the high order of the council of wizards @ Mao, Inc. I don't know where this story is heading. Maybe I am smoking crack!

We have a new national anthem. I don't have a clue. What about our flag? Is it still the same or are we getting a Red Bandana for everyone else as well? The King is still not helicoptering out of Kathmandu. The Maoists are busy buying office buildings, new vehicles and what not! The Congressi Babus are hoping India will do something. And the rest of Nepal is praying that 'Let him Fall' won't die next weekend because if he does, then Deuba will be the Congressi Captain (think so!) and he won't know what to do, except do a slippery tongue dance!

Maybe, Prachandu will take over and it's 'Welcome' to the village for our city-baasis and loot-paat and enjoy some samosa chaat for our gau-baasis (only Maoist members are eligible for the loot-paat re-distribution of wealth program!)

BTW, Let us pray that G-Babu will live for another thirty years... coz our netas won't be able to figure out their next move until then!

Do we really need a King? Do we really need them stupid netas? Do we really need these angry young Rambos, the YCL goons and the Madeshi 'Shiva's ... Do we really need another daang doong before we realize that our leaders have screwed us over and over again and yet we continue to trust them and look forward for sunny days! Is there something wrong with our diet? Our saag-paat must have some kind of a medicine that makes us forget all these nataks our leaders have played on us and we continue to cheer and clap like young kids watching the same cartoon episode over and over again!

Okay, the cops in KTM have arrested 'Trishul' Baba! Okay, the poor bugger wanted to make some kind of a prediction and it didn't come true but who gives a rat's arse, eh? our leaders have been making predictions since the 1950s and look where we are today. Don't blame the monarchy. Everybody blames the monarchy and gets away with it. Our good ol' political leaders (the same Buda clowns!) had the opportunity to do without monarchy back in the 50s and they didn't. They had the same deal in the 90s and they folded their cards before they got to the front door! And now, we have come to this stage where we can do without any King(s) be it Big G, Master P or Uncle 'name your favorite drunk uncle!'

We don't need these funny communists who like to wear expensive #$@! and drive around in 100,000 US$ ko gaadi. We don't need them Prince and Princesses who act like school yard bullies. We don't need India to tell us what to do and we really don't need any more predictions from Prachandu Uncle! Maybe, Trishul Baba was right. Okay, no big earthquake last Friday but there will be a big earthquake soon and hope our leaders, and their happy goons will go down under and let us all live in peace. After all we don't need no government, we don't need no (chor) police and we really don't need no Rambos (be it the NA or the PLA!). Leave us alone, please.

And what's up with this news about a new shoo-side bomber squad in Nepal? I don't think Nepalis will go crazy like them Tamils or the Falafel guys in the Middle East. How many politicians have really sacrificed anything for this country? Okay, Deuba couldn't afford to pay the rent and Prachandu had to do with half a glass of bhaisi ko doodh during them under-ground days. So, please don't expect any shoo-side squad in Nepal.... Nepalese are too scared to kill themselves for a better cause. Look at them Maoists Rambos, weren't they busy stealing Kukhura and Kaakra from them poor villagers... and look where they are now, stealing millions of dollars from us. Yes, Nepal will change when there comes a guy or a gal or a bunch of guys and gals who can do a 'Range De Basanti' X 10 .... Yes, This is is our new mantra.... Kill 'em bastards! Don't kill the little ones. Don't kill innocent villagers and school teachers. Kill them big fishes. Kill them all! Please....

Yes, I have nothing better to write. I am depressed, frustrated and losing weight (well beating Naked Nepali at this! I have lost twenty pounds in a year and no I am not smoking crack or haven't done any 'clean your colon' karyakaram.!) I am only eating one meal a day. Why? This is my own 'Bhok-Hadtal' .... until some brave Nepali lads and Laddies will finally see the light and kill these clowns. I hate them clowns. Do you? When the clowns are all gone, then I will end my hunger strike or whatever they call it. If not then I guess I will have to go back to 'eat, drink and be merry' days!

And Yes, I would love to take credit for any desh-bhakta, running naked in KTM , firing a nice AK-47 @ some neta! Yes, no more BS... if the Maoists really want do their 'Music Festival' then please blow up KTM and get done with it. Don't screw the whole country with your YCL nataks. If the King doesn't want to go away then do the 'Last Stand or Dance or whatever', duke it out with these Maoists and get done with it. If our Netas don't want any elections and want to enjoy this long bumpy ride then please get on a TATA bus and get your arse to Vanarasi. Yes, the Beatles were right. Get back to where you came from!

The Maoists can go back to the Jungle and live there forever. Our netas can go back to India, instead of using our dough to go back and forth to Delhi. And yes our Rajas and Rani Sahebs can go back to Rajasthan. After all, they claim to be from there.... so leave Nepal to us Nepalis, Yes the hilly folks and the Madeshi folks. We are all in this together. They are not! Will somebody see the light or do we all need to go that Eye Hospital where our Daktar Saheb wins one Bideshi Award every fortnight?

Good luck and Good night!

YCL should stop going around throwing stones and abducting corrupt folks. Maybe, them corrupt thulo-bada-z didn’t pay the YCL blokes enough dough and that’s why our YCL goons are going around crazy, rounding up the ghoos-khoris. Nepal is the only country where the politicians have never been killed, shot at, lynched, castrated or add your list of S&M stuff you would want to do on these netas! Why is that? I don’t know.

School teachers, low-level police and army folks are killed, their families displaced but the big fishes always seem to survive…. After all it’s all about the money! Yes, ask P. Diddy, he knows a thing or two about dah Benjamins! Maybe, YCL should join the Football league. If they can’t win with their fancy foot work then they can throw stones at the opposition and maybe abduct the referee if things don’t go their way. Prachandu Uncle wants like 250,000 YCL members by God knows when…. Yes, our Nepali Hitler has grand plans for the country! Oops. I shouldn’t call him that… I don’t think Prachandu Uncle is vegetarian, or is he? Well, he likes to wear expensive watches and likes to sign with them bidhesi pens. What’s next? The Maoists are not going to change and our netas will always be the same. Is there any way out of this mess?

No, and as usual, everybody wants to do a Nepal or a KTM Bandh these days. Yes, this is what Demo-Crazy is all about? And we are all loving it , aren’t we? No , we are not. The Maoists are going on a shopping spree with them millions from the government. Instead of feeding them comrades, chicken chilly and Carlsberg, the Maobadi Inc. is busy buying office buildings and vehicles for God knows what. Is the Olympics coming to town?

Well, the Chinese are going crazy with their ‘Olympics’ preparation natak. Testing food for mice? Well, if they had done for the cats, then they wouldn’t have been in a s@#t load of trouble but now everybody is scared. I still love them Hot and Sour Soup! I hope the athletes don’t get sick during the Olympics. Maybe, our Maobadi leaders should visit China and see all the new things happening there. Maybe, instead of a Mao-like ‘cultural revolution’… our Maobadi leaders will bring real changes instead of the same ‘phokatey ko bhasan’ and ‘kick-boxing’ demonstrations. How about ‘Red Tourism’ where all the tourists will wear them ‘Rambo’ dresses and fire AK-47s and live on a two-packet Wai Wai noodles per day!

Nepal is getting @#$ed in the arse by our so-called leaders. Our students can’t go to school, our folks can’t buy fresh produce, our hardworking brothers and sisters are thinking of going away to make some dineros…. While our netas are enjoying the good life like them Oily Sheikhs! God Bless and Good night! What can we do ? Nothing, but maybe things will change …. Maybe we should start all them daang-doong from the top and not the bottom. Shoot some netas today… and make your nation proud! Oops. My bad… the hunting season’s been long over! And now it’s the battle of the band(h)s!