Okay, the title of this movie would certainly make our Blue Diamond Society brothers very happy but this movie is not about ‘back door’ karyakarams. Sorry, if that sounded offensive. With due respect to all GLBT Nepali folks…. But this movie is probably the greatest Hindi movie of all time. Really? Well, I wasn’t born when that movie ‘House No.44’ was released so I have to pick this one for my Top 10 list. Well Rang De Basanti was bombastic but I guess, nobody wants to kill any politicians these days. Well, it must be better to burn tyres and destroy public property and stuff like that. Yes, always kill the small folks and let the big folks get fatter and fatter (well, there is them gastric surgery or something nowadays!)

Chak De is as good as any of them Hollywood sportie movies! Okay, I am in Amrika and I do understand Amriki football but I bet my two cents, most of my frenz back home have no clue when they watch them Angrezi sport movies. It’s not like soccer where 22 horny men chase after a single ball. Yes, they do that for 90 minutes and then Beckham bends it and it’s all over. I love soccer but after all these years, I would want to watch a sport where even the last few seconds can turn the game upside down. Let’s get back to the movie. Well, if you are one of them folks, hating them spoilers then stop reading!

Chak De! (nepali translation would be ‘give me arse!’) is about this Muslim guy. Yes, in a Bollywood movie, it’s always a ‘Khan’ guy who is dah traitor! No, it can’t be Subramaniam or Ghokley…it’s always some Muslim guy (or his dada, mama, chacha!) who forgot to board the train to Pakistan during them Partition days. Just because this Muslim guy failed to score a goal, he becomes Enemy No.1 . Well, nobody is trying to cut his stuff and Fed-Ex him to Paki-land but you get the story…right!

Seven years later, he returns (maybe from the jungle!). Okay, he can’t return from a jungle because he is a Muslim. And Muscle-maans don’t fast under a tree and wear a thong, smoke ganja and try to impress the ladies by trying to pull a brick with ‘that’ thing! Okay, Mr. Khan returns to coach the Indian Naari Hockey team. Why? Because he loves them ladies ! No, he really wants to get some of his glory back! He wants to prove that after seven years of eating paani-puri and watching Sholay for 2,000+ straight days… he still can’t get that ‘Hockey’ fever out of his head. Thank God, he didn’t get TB or something!

Like most of us , Nepali Lads… I do love them Desi babes but don’t like them Dhotis! Hope the Madeshi Tigers are not offended. I was born in Madesh and that makes me a Madeshi too. Okay, I maybe a Pahadi but Madeshland is my homeland as much as that guy in NYC, dreaming of a separate Madeshland! No, never… give me death but don’t do a ‘Pakistan’

Anyways, Khan doesn’t give a rat’s arse about where these girls are from. That’s right. We should all learn a thing or two from this. Yes, you may be from Janakpur or Lalitpur but we are all Nepalese. And our Irish (green!) passport makes them immigration officials around the world worried as hell as if either we are carrying drugs or we are going to run for the nearest exit and spend the rest of our lives, cutting onions or paving the streets! No, work is work. I have as much respect for a butcher (kasai! And not to forget his beautiful wife!) as I have for a surgeon. They both do the same stuff. If a butcher went to a medical school…. He or she would make a perfect surgeon. Ahhh! Your tumor is in you arse. Just cut that few inches and stitch it up!

Yes, yes…India is a big bully but when that Indian Flag is flying high, them dhotis get all wet (I meant the ‘eyes’) but when we see our Nepali flag... it makes us all go crazy, drink and try to beat each other up. Yes, Sherpas from the hills don't like Sherpas from another hill. Chettri don't like Brahmin. Newars don't like anybody else. And what about me. I don't know and I don't care. As long as you don't bite me, do your own thing and @#$! off! What the hell? Who the hell are we? We just don’t give a @#$!, do we?

Okay, the movie ends with the Indian Naari team winning the World Cup or something. Good for them. And hope someday, our Nepali Naari team will win something and make us all proud or will we just drink and end up bashing each other with koorchi, danda and what not! After all we have seen what Nepalese men can do… (like me… nothing!)

BTW, I am packing my guntha and heading back to Nepal. Yes, I wanna be a Hockey Coach. Okay, ladies…. Let’s go for a jog or something!

And who says ’17 year olds are babies…not me!’ I wish I was 17 again… when I was 17, all the gals… wearing burkhas…. And me trying to give them Durkhas while trying to fight of their brothers mukkhas!

Link of the day: Maichyang’s love with life!